Monthly Archives: August 2011

The Horse Nanny:

Your child will never misbehave again!

This video was sent to us from a reader (we didn’t get a chance to ask if it was ok to use their name prior to posting – but if the person who sent this to us sees this post and wants to de-anonymize themselves, go for it!).  And let’s just say it, we’re all thinking it: She had it comin’!

There are two ways to look at this video: From the point of view of a parent, or from the point of view of a horse lover.  Let’s start with the parent, shall we?

What parent hasn’t (likely on more than a few occasions) been just a tad fed up with their spawn offspring?  While we would never condone hitting a child, don’t you kind of wish this horse was your child’s nanny?

Point of view number 2: The Horse Lover

No decent person likes to see a horse treated poorly (if you do, please send us your full contact information because we have a few things we want to say/do to you).  Unfortunately there’s no background information with this video, but it appears the horse is just standing there, hanging out on a nice, sunny day, when out of nowhere this little girl comes and decides to hit and then push him!  Now, I don’t know about you but I sure as hell wouldn’t put up with that.  Why should a horse?  And when he had so many other options open to him, he really did choose the nicest one – he didn’t rear or try to kick her, he merely did what amounts to pulling her hair.

So, to this horse, wherever you are, we salute you!  Keep up the good work!

“Solid” doesn’t even begin to cover it

Kelvins Prissy Chex is a solid built palomino mare by Doc Hollybug Gold, a son of AQHA point earner Barlon who also won NCHA money. This mare goes back to the greats of Doc Bar, Mr San Peppy, Hollywood Gold, and Bueno Chex. She is broke to ride, stands 15.2 plus and is over 1200 lbs. She has been broke to ride and produced some nice foals. Can breed to one of our stallions.

Breed: Quarter Horse
Gender: Mare
Birth Date: Jan 1, 2002

This poor mare looks like she has the body of a (large) draft horse on the legs of the quarter horse she supposedly is.  Her neck is also on the short side, which by itself isn’t the worst conformational flaw we’ve ever seen, but couple that with the “solid” body and it is an aesthetic nightmare!

The ad says that the new owner “can breed to one of our stallions” – to this we say, very sarcastically, YIPPEEEE!  We can breed another draft body onto quarter legs!  SCORE!  This is a prime example of a breeder that expects the stallion’s genes to do all the work and believes it’ll overcome the mare’s shortcomings.  Presuming, of course, that their stallions are quality specimens of the breed.  It’s either that or their stallions are crap too and they don’t know any better, which opens this discussion up to a whole other slew of questions, foremost among them being how many times and from what height were these people dropped on their heads in their formative years?

We’ve said it before, we’ll say it again – just because it has a uterus, doesn’t mean it should have a baby!

The Cow Called…

…he wants his hocks back!

2011 Cremello Quarter Horse colt (in the process of being registered). He is out of Shortys All Spark (goes back to Shining Spark and Doc O’Lena) and Niftys Memgold (Jackie Bee bloodlines). He is a stunning cremello with big blue eyes. He is very mellow, weaned, he is halterbroke, and will stand perfectly still when tied up. He has a great disposition, and is going to be a beauty! Reining bloodlines. Please email if interested. $2500 OBO.

Another craigslist gem here.  I guess kudos for the honest advertising?   They’re certainly not trying to hide those hocks!  This definitely seems to be a case of breeding for color over quality though.  After all, look at all the other purdy kolored horses in the background below…

These side pics show a little more, and it’s not much better.  I know it’s an awkward age, and the photo angle really isn’t doing him any favors, but that explains away the high bum and not much else!  Over at the knee, thick through the throatlatch, long back with a weak loin… there doesn’t seem to be a single part of his body that doesn’t have some sort of issue.

Someone needs to inform his breeders that a crappy horse with a cool color is still a crappy horse.

Please please please won’t somebody geld him?

WDC: Tag, you’re it!

Time for our weekly dose of cute – if you haven’t seen a dog and a foal playing, then you have not truly lived.  We’re here to remedy that!

Thanks oconnell218 for the vid!

Red Neck Advertising

7 year old gelding for sale. Work and Pleasure horse. If any questions and seriously interested please CALL two 2 five-7 one 8-four 3 seven 9. Please not after 10pm thanks.

Oooh wow.  How much do you want to bet that’s a beer in his hand?  And why the hell did he take photos wherein the only major change was his hat? Maybe he felt one hat would help sell the horse over the other? But then thought better of it and included both?  Oh no, wait, I know; he’s a follower of the age old adage that states two hats are better than one.  That’s got to be it!

Enjoys being brushed!

Appaloosa Colt – $300

For sale is a stud colt, approximately 16 months old. Enjoys being brushed. I do not believe he is a tri color, but his tail does have brown in it, and his sports are black and brown. He trailers easy and gets along with the other yearlings as well as the older gelding in my pasture. He is a beautiful horse and should turn out to be a valuable one, but due to financial situations, I am putting him up for sale. Make an offer. After my current riding horses’ training is complete, I will begin working with him, and the price will increase accordingly, or I will keep him for myself. He has his current coggins, and has had vaccinations as of July 1, 2011.

He is halter broke, and we are working on leading, but he probably only gets 15 minutes of practice every other day.

Woohoo!  I finally found him!  I cannot tell you how long I’ve been looking for a horse that enjoys being brushed!  And a stud, no less. Hopefully he’ll pass that on to his foals.  Those babies will sell like hotcakes!!  Well, just as long as he doesn’t pass along the mile-long back, crappy hips, upside down neck and cow hocks too.  But what are the odds of that?

Seriously, craigslist is chock full of winners.  Someone needs to inform his owner that the fact that his “sports” are black AND brown does not mean he’s a valuable horse and that no amount of training will ever turn a $300 yearling into something that deserves to keep his balls.  EVER.  All aboard the gelding train!  Choo choo!

Side note: When I showed this ad to Jumper Girl, she immediately started hitting her head against a wall.  Literally.  While moaning.  It was awesome. 😉

Logic FAIL

Should have died a virgin.

This mare is a nice broodmare, she is 10yr and stands 14.3hh, she is double bred Heath Bar None and she is in foal to a nice running stallion named Take Me Some Cash, which this foal will be a nice nice foal, the stallion is siring alot of nice foals, she is priced at $2500 in foal

Shockingly enough, we found this ad on craigslist.  The seller’s strange aversion to periods and proper grammar makes the ad difficult to interpret, but the basic logic seems to be that nice + nice = nice nice.

This gross over-simplification of breeding would be problematic enough if the mare was indeed “nice”.  But one look at her tells you she really should have been locked in a nunnery and left to die a virgin.  If that neck was set any lower, it would be starting between her knees!  And I do believe that’s a roach back we see.  Nice nice indeed!  The overall appearance seems vaguely reminiscent of beef cattle.


On the other hand, we checked out the stallion and he does seem to qualify as nice.  Not phenomenal or spectacular, but nice.  Furthermore, he was bred to be a racehorse.  I’m not an expert on QH breeding, but isn’t crossing a running horse with the creature above a little like forcing a gazelle to mate with a buffalo?  I can just imagine the poor little mixed parts foal.  *shudder*

But the single biggest issue we have is this: if you don’t want the one horse, why are you creating another?  Repeat after me:

Just because it has a uterus doesn’t mean it should have a baby!

Good puppy!

Now THAT is a well trained dog!  First he goes to check on the rider, then he goes to collect the horse! 😉 (The rider, on the other hand, could use a little more training if she wants to avoid similar situations in the future.)

Being that this rider is obviously an amateur just learning to jump, we won’t go into full snark mode (it’s a first; we’re actually a little concerned and are considering seeking medical treatment).  She certainly has potential, but she really has to make sure to ride the entire line – in this video she turns into a passenger as soon as she leaves the rail and it causes all kinds of trouble.

[Interjection from the Dressage Princess: When I used to jump, I froze up sooo bad – I even forgot to breathe! For the entire course!! So if that’s the case for you, making yourself breathe through this will make a world of difference.  I used to sing while jumping – it made me breathe and distracted me enough so that I didn’t over think my jumps.  Just don’t try to dance and jump, bad things happen.  Funny things, but bad things.  And now, back to reality…]

It’s times like these where the magical half-halt is your best friend, it can be the remedy for a myriad of sins.  Without the half-halt though, we have a domino effect:  His canter gets long coming out of the corner, he jumps the first jump big, leaves out a stride before the second, jumps it even bigger and winds up with a perfect excuse to refuse the third.  She just needs more work at seeing distances and getting her horse to wait for the correct take-off point.  More gymnastics work would actually be a good idea for her, but perhaps with distance poles set up to encourage correct striding.

Thanks to equestriandani for the video.  We hope you keep up with your lessons and maybe send us an updated video?  We’d love to see your progress! 🙂

The price is wrong Bob!

Kudos to anyone who gets the Happy Gilmore reference!

We’re going to do something a little different with today’s post.  This is for anyone who thinks that horse prices have little to no relation to reality!  Below are ads we found on and for six very comparable horses.  They are all either Thoroughbreds or Warmbloods, are around the same height (15.3-16.1h), the same age (7-10 y.o.) and are all jumping around 3′ in a safe, but not spectacular fashion.

What makes this interesting?  Just like on the Price is Right, you get to guess the price!  We won’t be giving away a car to the winner (sorry; we’re not made of money), but we will give you a couple hints.  No two horses are the same price and they’re all somewhere between $3,000 and $30,000.  If you think that’s an absurd range of prices for very similar horses, you’re not alone – so do we!

Leave your guesses in the comments section, and let the games begin!

Horse ABreed: Trakehner    Height: 16.1h    Age:10

!the sweetest horse you will ever meet, Shine
has an amazing auto lead change, stands for bath, farrier etc. loves trails she got 4th place out of 20 at the polo fields this year for her first show in a long time! she always wins hack and always makes her rider more and more confident each time she is currently doing low childrens but has done childrens hunter with a 13 year old she schools 3’6″ easily she is a very fancy mover

Horse B – Breed: TB    Height: 15.3h    Age: 9

Bentley is an extremely brave and sweet UNRACED TB gelding who loves to please. He could be trained for eventing or dressage but his true passion is jumping! He has been shown through the 3′ jumpers but has schooled to 3’6 and still has tons of ability and talent to go even beyond. He is easy at shows, loads like a dream and is an easy keeper. Soft mouth and fancy trot. Great canter.  Great ground manners, no vices or soundness issues.

Horse C – Breed: Hungarian Warmblood    Height: 16.1h    Age: 7

Seven year old, 16.1 hh, Hungarian Warmblood gelding (Furioso bloodlines and registered with HHAA). With a solid build, this horse would suit a tall rider. This horse is quiet and safe to ride and has an incredible mind. Husband and boyfriend friendly, Pippin would make a GREAT first horse, yet can jump well and is careful enough to be competitive. Pippin has competed and won several placings at Amberlea Jump For Hope, an A-rated jumper show.

Horse DBreed: TB    Height: 15.3h    Age: 10

lexus is a lovely show quality hunter prospect. Nice mover and a 10+ jump, with a nice square tuck. We are currently jumping a beautiful 2’6″ – 3’3″ course with flying lead changes. Lexus has plenty of scope and potential as a child/adult jumper. He is super quiet and is a straight forward, uncomplicated ride, very rideable and willing. He is very very sweet in nature. This is a very impressive horse with quality breeding who would be especially perfect for a childrens, junior, adult or metal hunter.

Horse EBreed: TB    Height: 16.1h    Age: 9

Ruby Slippers is a 16.1 hand tb mare who has never raced. She is currently showing in the Low Childrens and is in the top 10. She is an excellent teacher as she is very honest and safe. Has auto leads. Is very consistent at shows and is comfortable in new environments. Is an easy keeper, very loving mare who is fantastic for the farrier and vet. She trailers, clips, bathes and has no vices.

Horse FBreed: Oldenburg/Hanoverian    Height: 16.1h    Age: 8

Georgio is a 2003 Oldenburg Hanoverian cross gelding out of Kodachrome standing at 16.1 hands. Georgio is a flashy mover with good form over fences, has his flying lead changes with a sweet personality. Georgio is currently schooling 3’0 with a lot of potential to move up. In 2010 Georgio showed through-out the season,placing in the top of his classes(he ended the season showing 2’9)

We’d ask you to guess which is the only horse to be listed as sold, but that’s too easy – it’s the cheapest one!  Come back tomorrow to find out the prices.  Whoever is closest gets a gold star!

…and in the immortal words of Bob Barker: “Help control the pet population. Have your pets spayed or neutered.”

Say Whaaat?

We found this photo on the forums.  It was posted a number of years ago and asked for critique from the general public.  The horse was apparently used for Huntseat and Western Pleasure.

This photo immediately reminded me of an old riding instructor and her unique instructions to me one lesson.  The first time I heard them I laughed so hard I almost fell off.  Before I tell you what those words were, let me first set the stage:

I was about 16 years old and my instructor at the time was a middle aged, petite, English woman.  The word that comes to mind when I think of her is “non-threatening”.  Her mannerisms were always very proper, very polite, very… English.  She never swore.  And 95% of the time she was sitting on her portable chair, coaching me in tones not unlike those of Mary Poppins.

One lesson, and I don’t even remember what we were working on, but I couldn’t seem to keep my eyes up or shoulders back.  My instructor must have been getting frustrated with me because all of a sudden she yells “TITS UP! POINT THOSE TITS TO THE SKY!”

I was shocked!  Flabbergasted!  Speechless!  Taken aback and floored, all at once!  All riding ceased, and my horse came to a confused halt as I attempted to collect my jaw from the floor.  Then the laughter started.  I couldn’t stop!  At one point I was lying on my horse’s neck.  Thankfully he didn’t do anything naughty because at that moment there was nothing I could do but laugh.  And then the lesson continued and wonder of wonders – my tits stayed up!  Best.  Instructor.  Ever.

Well kiddies, story time is over but the lesson is still relevant.  The rider in this photo needs to point her tits to the sky!  Her horse looks very cute and relaxed, but right now he’s moving heavily on the forehand and not tracking up behind at all.  Raising her chest will get her eyes up, her shoulders back and shift her weight back, which in turn will help her push her horse forward and lift it off its forehand.  It may just be the photo angle, but it looks like the horse is built downhill.  If that’s the case, it’s especially critical that she adjust her upper body, as a bum-high horse is going to be naturally inclined to move in this manner.

Once she has rocked her body back and started pushing him forward, she should take up more of a contact with her horse’s mouth.  It also wouldn’t hurt to get some more bend in those elbows.  A different instructor once told me that the rider’s shoulders belong to the rider, but the elbows belong to the horse and are meant to be elastic.  Without bend in the elbows, that elasticity is not possible.  These two small things (lifting chest and bending elbows) should make a world of difference in how her horse moves.

Oh, and she needs to stretch her legs down and put some weight in her heels.

That’s all!

(TITS UP!!!!!)


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