Flying Wheelbarrows and Padlocked Gates

We have some friends in the horse world who recently found themselves in a bit of a pickle.  You see, they were boarding their horses on private acreage (as opposed to a commercial stabling facility) and well, rather than rehashing all the details, let me quickly summarize:  there was a domestic disturbance resulting in a wheelbarrow being thrown at/near an individual, said individual was then physically chased off the property, the entrance gate was padlocked (preventing boarders from tending their horses) and the incident culminated in a police escort onto the property and all the horses were moved to new homes.  All within a two day window!  Thankfully none of the horses decided to colic or roll near a fence during this time!

Most of the horses got settled into new homes right way, but one girl is still looking for a longer term solution than her current situation.  This unfortunate gherkin is not all bad, however, as it actually inspired the King of the Douches post and the following series of emails.

from:       to:

Hi, I’m interested in the room and self-board option if it’s still available. I’m 25, work full-time Mon-Fri and I’m looking to keep my 10 y/o percheron/canadian gelding in the backyard.
I can provide excellent references (from both landlords and horsepeople).
Whereabouts in Town are you located?

Coconut* 😉

from:       to:

I am located in General Neighborhood around This Street and That Avenue. Can you tell me more about yourself as well as how long you would plan to stay. Does your horse have indoor or outdoor facilities now? Bob.*

from:      to:

Hi Bob,

I’m looking for a long term rental–I’m not fond of moving, but my current building has been sold and I have to be out by Nov 1st. I’m currently living in One City, working in Another City, and my horse is in Faraway Town, so I’m getting really sick of driving and would like everything to be a bit closer! He’s always been boarded outdoors, and I’ve always preferred smaller private facilities. We’re very low mainentance, just a small outdoor ring will do.

I am an Environmental Educator at the Other City Nature Centre, so I spend my days teaching kids about trees. It’s my first non-horsey job, most of my years I’ve worked on cattle ranches, I’ve managed a carriage company in Bigger City, and I was Assistant Editor at A Horse Magazine for a while. Now I just like to keep it as a hobby. 🙂

I’m super easy going, I enjoy a few beers at home and gardening. I make electronic music but I don’t have huge speakers, I do it with headphones ;).
I’m good hanging on my own but if there’s roommates about I am definitely social.

I smoke casually, and keep it outdoors. No indoor pets.


from:       to:

Could you give me a call so we could talk a bit more, and if you’re interested you could come by to view the place.

My number is ###-###-####

Ttys Bob.

*OMG!  I know that number!  That’s the same BOB!*

from:      to:

Hi Bob,

Just a couple more questions before I call–is the property secure? I like to have the gates padlocked at all times so my horse can never escape. I want my shit locked down so heavy I’ll need a police escort to even be able to pet him.

I also really like a roommate that is full of surprises. Do you think you’d be able to irrationally overreact to situations like a spoiled four year old, and throw the occasional tantrum that completely inconveniences me at the expense of my animal? Just, you know, so things don’t get boring.

And one last thing, I don’t want to call if I’m wasting your time, so I’ll just get this out in the open—are you a completely misogynistic bully that enjoys relaxed hobbies like power-tripping, or threatening women? If so, things probably won’t work out between us as roommates.

Let me know what you think, and if you still think we’d be a good match, I’ll totally call you!



*Names changed

This isn’t Hollywood and unfortunately the good guy doesn’t always win, but we like to think that a modicum of justice was delivered with this email.  And for those of you who thought we were joking when writing the King of the Douches post, well we were, but the symptoms are real!

Speaking of douches, here’s a little teaser for what we have in store for you this week.

“If you think you “love” your horse or call him your baby, friend and such, do yourself a favor and leave this website. This place is not for you, as you can rest assured you will leave this site bitter, especially if you are blinded by pride and or feminist prejudice, which not only clouds one’s judgment but also his or her understanding. In short, you will have no clue what you are reading here.”

We won’t tell you where we got this yet because there’s plenty more where that came from!  We’re really looking forward to this!


About snarkyrider

We're snarktastic

Posted on October 17, 2011, in Featured Rescues, horse and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. Hahahaha nice 😉 My mouth is watering over that oh so lovely teaser!

    • I know! The website is a veritable goldmine! There are so many gems we decided to post on Wednesday to make sure our post is snarcastic perfection! We can’t wait to share it!

  2. Now you’ve made me curious…

    Great e-mail, btw! Kudos to the person who wrote it! 😀

  3. Right reading now this blog is my only sanity during law school. and you put a teaser like THAT? *can’t wait*

    • Apparently my sanity is failing anyway. Feel free to self-correct the above sentence in whatever way it makes the most sense for you… *sigh*

      • LOL It speaks volumes that our blog keeps you sane – and the whole lawyer thing kinda confirms it: you’re insane too! 😉 Thanks so much for reading! We’re really glad you’re enjoying the blog 🙂

  4. Ha ha, I know EXACTLY the site the teaser is from. I never quite got around to that one…glad you will be addressing it!

  1. Pingback: Life according to Lee « snarkyrider

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