Horses are not 6-speeds!

6 Gaited Horse Partial Lease – $200

Walk, trot, canter, running walk, pace, and wickety-wack. Buck and rear at no extra charge. This cantankerous, spoiled Brat of a horse needs another experienced rider to keep him in work this winter. You will fall in love, in spite of yourself. Direct access to trails. Neighborly riding companions available. Please call Crazed Owner* at ### ### #### for more information.

Thank you craigslist, for providing ads such as these that serve to bolster my wavering faith in stupidity… hahahaha oh god, I couldn’t keep a straight face while typing that!

For those of you not in the know, the “wickety-wack” is a new gait developed in the highly specialized breed of Whatever-This-Horse-Is.  It’s a beautiful movement that is in fact, so amazing, words cannot describe it!  Our apologies, but no photos or videos of this phenomena are available – it’s like the Yetti or the Loch Ness Monster in that it avoids having its picture, similar to the way we mere mortals avoid the plague.   But you, you lucky S.O.B. you, get to experience it for the low, low price of $200/month.

Best be snatching this find up immediately because it’s bound to go fast! What with the buck and rear coming at no extra charge.  I don’t know what the going rate for emergency vehicle services or hospitalization is in your area, but here it’s damned cheap!  In fact, if I have nothing better to do on a Friday night, I throw myself in front of a moving vehicle just so I can get some cheap entertainment.

Now, to address the apparent issue of this horse being a spoiled brat. Somehow I doubt that – horses with the rare talent of the “wickety-wack” are ethereal beings, magnanimous in nature. Clearly the individual writing the above ad is mistaken. Just like they’re mistaken as to what should be included in the ad – height, age, breed, anyone?

Seriously, I had so much to say about this ad all at once and now I’m just dumbfounded (or just dumb, too many boring Friday nights in the ER).  You know when you get flabbergasted and just don’t know what to say?  That’s where I’m at now.  So, with that in mind, I leave you with the immortal words of Kris Kross ” ‘Cause inside-out is wiggity wiggity wiggity wack”

True dat.

*Name changed (duh)


About snarkyrider

We're snarktastic

Posted on October 27, 2011, in Bad Horse Ads and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. Haha, well, you gotta give ’em points for honesty and a sense of humour at least XD

  2. This had me rolling! I am going to start training my horse in the wickety wack gait!

  3. I think the owner was just being funny. Horse looks well cared for, and the rider looks competent. Eh, I don’t mind fixing some spoiled, he looks like a nice big guy that I bet would be fun on the trails. If I was looking, I would probably respond to her add! Not everything you read is meant to be taken literally 😉

  4. Maybe the rear comes from that crazy shanked bit in his mouth?
    Also, my mare takes sees his “wickety-wack” and lays down her own “scoot-shimmy-buckety-spin”… how much could I charge for a lease on her now?

  5. My translation: “I can’t ride worth a crap. Please pay me money for the wonderful opportunity to train my horse for me.”

    Maybe wickety-wack is the sound the rider’s head makes inside the helmet when the horse is gaiting?

    • lol either that or the sound their body makes when they fall off yet again after the horse throws in the free buck and rear!

    • That’s how I translated it too! “My horse really needs a better rider than me to fix all her issues. Please pay me for the opportunity!”

      On the plus side, he’s being honest and not trying to pass her off as kid-safe. And she appears to be over- rather than under-nourished.

      • “And she appears to be over- rather than under-nourished.”

        I’m guessing that’s where all the free bucking and rearing comes into place. Why work when it’s so easy to throw your clueless owner on the ground? 😛

  6. Late to the party, but I’m guessing they mean a wicky-wack? Which is a mixed canter, like cantering in front and walking/trotting in back. Now why on earth you would advertise that, I have NO idea! Maybe on their planet it’s desirable?

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