Horses are not 6-speeds!
6 Gaited Horse Partial Lease – $200
Walk, trot, canter, running walk, pace, and wickety-wack. Buck and rear at no extra charge. This cantankerous, spoiled Brat of a horse needs another experienced rider to keep him in work this winter. You will fall in love, in spite of yourself. Direct access to trails. Neighborly riding companions available. Please call Crazed Owner* at ### ### #### for more information.
Thank you craigslist, for providing ads such as these that serve to bolster my wavering faith in stupidity… hahahaha oh god, I couldn’t keep a straight face while typing that!
For those of you not in the know, the “wickety-wack” is a new gait developed in the highly specialized breed of Whatever-This-Horse-Is. It’s a beautiful movement that is in fact, so amazing, words cannot describe it! Our apologies, but no photos or videos of this phenomena are available – it’s like the Yetti or the Loch Ness Monster in that it avoids having its picture, similar to the way we mere mortals avoid the plague. But you, you lucky S.O.B. you, get to experience it for the low, low price of $200/month.
Best be snatching this find up immediately because it’s bound to go fast! What with the buck and rear coming at no extra charge. I don’t know what the going rate for emergency vehicle services or hospitalization is in your area, but here it’s damned cheap! In fact, if I have nothing better to do on a Friday night, I throw myself in front of a moving vehicle just so I can get some cheap entertainment.
Now, to address the apparent issue of this horse being a spoiled brat. Somehow I doubt that – horses with the rare talent of the “wickety-wack” are ethereal beings, magnanimous in nature. Clearly the individual writing the above ad is mistaken. Just like they’re mistaken as to what should be included in the ad – height, age, breed, anyone?
Seriously, I had so much to say about this ad all at once and now I’m just dumbfounded (or just dumb, too many boring Friday nights in the ER). You know when you get flabbergasted and just don’t know what to say? That’s where I’m at now. So, with that in mind, I leave you with the immortal words of Kris Kross ” ‘Cause inside-out is wiggity wiggity wiggity wack”
*Name changed (duh)