I was browsing through craigslist and saw the above ad title.  I clicked on it thinking it was probably an ad for a Breyer model; picturing something like this:

How I wish it had been!  But no, instead I found the following ad.

Hello and THANK YOU for your time. I have a solid black pony stallion. He is a full size, not a mini. He has a HEART OF GOLD! He is very loveable and even tempered. He DOES NOT have a mean bone in his body. He bathes, clips, loads, ties, and is easy to handle. He has been hand bred, and pasture bred. All without any injuries to the mares he has bred. He has produced many black and white pinto ponies,
bred to a couple of blk/wht pinto mares. He has also produced a Gruella, bred to a Quarterhorse buckskin mare. He currently has an AWESOME black/wht pinto Quarter Pony colt available for sale. (Should mature to 13-14 hands. Mare is 1,000+ &over 15H Paint.)

***All of his babies have been sound, and easy to handle. (And easy to sell)

This guy loves attention. He will steal your heart! It’s breaking mine to part with him. My budget won’t allow me to keep any of my horses. I have been parting with all of them. 4 horse B bar A stock trailer
is going next.

Serious inquiries only! (I want a good home for him with girlfriends! I swore he would never get gelded!) He has been tooooooooooo good for that!

This pony’s main accomplishment seems to be not injuring the mares he breeds.  I have no idea of his conformation, since they didn’t provide a photo (or any information regarding height/age/breed/training), but I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume it’s nothing special – certainly nothing so redeeming that he should be allowed to keep his balls.

If you were to think of this pony as a man, I think his personal ad would go something like this:

Well hey there.  I’m a nice guy seeking a sugar momma as I gots me no employable skillz.  Should you decide to take me for a spin, I done promise you I’ll sit around on the porch all day, leave all the cookin’ and cleaning to ya, I know how you women-folk like that.  I ain’t never beat nor branded a woman – there was that one time up in Alabama but thoz charges was dropped.  Oh and I is reeeeeeal fertile – I gots me 7 lil ones that you’ll just lurrrv to take care of.  All eight of us gots all our own teeth.


About snarkyrider

We're snarktastic

Posted on November 29, 2011, in Bad Horse Ads and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. Why useless creatures get to retain their testicles is a mystery to me…

    • What bothers me is that their testicles are used to create more useless creatures. There’s plenty of stallions in my country who have never and probably will never be bred. They’re often very nice stallions too, but he conditions to breed just aren’t right. Why is it that so many americans think that, just because it has balls, it has to be bred to everything that moves on four legs?

      • It’s such a different mentality here – if it has balls it’s almost guaranteed to breed. Maybe chalk it up to greed? There’s always someone out there with a fewer brain cells who will pay for the dubious honor of breeding to some no name stallion – I know several… :S

  2. Are you sure that’s not a troll? O_O

  3. So sad, irresponsible owners fill up the kill pens. This guy handles well so he will load on the cattle truck well.
    WTF does she think will happen to him next? I know what will happen.

  4. At least she realizes that she can’t afford to keep horses right now and is selling rather than thinking she can breed her way out of debt. And if her description is accurate, she’s enforced good ground handling rules with a stallion.

    If he’s all that cute and easygoing, maybe he’ll make a good 4H gelding.

    Seriously. Why do people ever breed horses that aren’t broke to ride, EVER?

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