Snarky Rider’s letter to Santa
ever so good less bad than last year! We tried awful hard to be good. We signed up for those anger management courses you suggested – and even attended one or two! They suggested we find an outlet for our anger so we started this blog. We’re sure you’ve been reading, what do you think so far? Aww who are we kidding, we know you’re loving it! -the snarkiness that is, not necessarily all of the topics. Which kind of brings us to the purpose of our letter, Santa, you see we wanted to do something good for the horse industry but due to our restrictive schedules and bank accounts we thought the following would be best. We hope you can help!
This year for Christmas we would like
1. Improperly prepared fugu liver for horse abusers to eat.
2. An Avenging Unicorn playset, to help with our anger issues!
3. Polar bears for idiot “breeders” who completely lack knowledge and proper funding to care for their broodmares and foals – although this might be problematic with some of the fencing we’ve seen. Hmmmm…
4. A set of clippers for Jumper Girl, so she can finish The Mare’s clip job. (The other ones died halfway through. The Mare looks ridiculous!)
5. Caustic chemicals and nails (don’t worry, we’ve got hammers) for horse trainers who believe “soring” is an appropriate and acceptable training technique.
6. A female lion (seems appropriate as females are the ones who do all the hunting and clearly there’s a delicious irony factor here…) for Lee Stanek, preferably with a big red bow on it if possible.
7. New paddock boots for Dressage Empress, so her feet stay dry this winter.
8. Institutionalization for the girl that cut open and played in the carcass of that horse – actually we were going to ask for some ninjas on this one but it didn’t seem very Christmassy… (plus we already asked for one assassination)
9. Crazy Cat Lady game, so we have a way of staying entertained in the evening. If it stays true to real life, JG will win easily!
That’s about it for now, although we might expand on our list later. There just seems to be a neverending supply of stupidity to deal with! Thanks in advance and have a very Merry Christmas!
Looking forward to seeing what’s under the tree,
Dressage Empress and Jumper Girl