…”I’m sorry, I thought you were a marlin.”

Whaaaa?  What is with the title? I have no clue why, but the crazy is raining down hard today.  That quote is actually from the movie Bat Thumb.  Haven’t seen it? Go, watch it now.  I’ll wait.

I’m probably setting myself up for a few rude comments here but please note: none of the following commentary on this sale ad has anything to do with the sellers reported disability.  That said, let’s have at ‘er, shall we?!

“absolutely stunning 5YR old guilding . He is Paint and quarter horse mix. Mostly black with 3 white stalkings, This horse came from very nice bloodlines however, there are no papers he was rescued from a farm after being orphaned by both parents due to neglect, the farm was shut down and a few horses saved, he was 5mo old when my friend brought him home. I took him to live with me when he was three, he was the most gorgeous creature! he has a kind eye, and a gentle spirit, and he is so eager to learn and train, I planned to work with him, he is not saddle broke, he has had some ground work, and as i say,, he is quick to do tasks. I became disabled shortly after i got him, and i am not able to work with him anymore, it kills me to let him go, but i really want someone to give him the opportunity  to be his full potential. My biggest priority is to find him a good home first, re-homing fee will be according to what you can offer for him. please if your interested in more info call me, and only if your serious please, my name is XXXXXX, and you can reach me at xxx-xxx-xxxx . please call or text as i will not rec email.”

For some reason it appears to be next to impossible for Craigslist sellers to sound out a simple word such as, oh I don’t know, gelding?  Come on, it’s not difficult! It’s spelled exactly as it sounds!  Honestly, when did grade 1 become optional?  Do we blame the students? Or are the teachers just passing kids who haven’t mastered the basics of the English language for shits and giggles?  Hmm, actually, that kind of makes sense.  I imagine that if I were a grade 1 teacher, I would get quite bored after a while.  Maybe that’s what they do while the kids are napping (or whatever) – head on over to Craigslist and laugh at all previous students who can’t sound out gel-ding (it’s a long term investment in their entertainment, obviously).  By blatantly ignoring the vast resources of the internet (other than to place the ad, that is), the seller has lead readers to believe this horse is in some sort of guild.  Since the term is no longer commonplace, we must therefore assume the horse is in some sort of medieval guild.  I dunno, maybe he’s a smithy?

OMG HE’S BEING STALKED! By not just one, but three individuals! I hope they’ve reported this to the police.  I was stalked once and let me tell you, it was a terrifying experience.  Always looking over my shoulder, feeling like everyone was watching me, every move scrutinized – oh no wait, that was the plot of every single crime drama TV episode ever made (yes, that was a hyperbolic statement). Ahem.  Stockings.  The horse has three stockings.  Ok.  Moving on.

I’m sure he comes from really nice bloodlines.  I’m 110% willing to believe a complete stranger that the guilding gelding she’s selling came from ah-mazing bloodlines and will therefore be a super-duper wonderful, most excellent competitor.  How dumb do I look?!  (WARNING:  That’s clearly a rhetorical question since no one knows what I look like, and if you did, it would still be rhetorical because the obvious answer would be: very.  I wouldn’t respect you if that wasn’t your answer.)

Once upon a time, there was a mommy horse and a daddy horse and they loved each other very much.  One day, a stork flew down from the heavens with a basket betwixt it’s beak which it set gently down in front of the mommy’s stall door.  Inside the basket was a tiny bundle of joy; the product of the immense love the mommy and daddy horses felt for each other.  The mommy and daddy were overcome with joy!  They pranced.  They whinnied. The world would know of their ebuliant elation!  As time passed though, the owner of the mommy and daddy horses grew less and less thrilled with the wee wonder.  All those vet bills, the extra mouth to feed, the time and effort required for training.  None of those things were looked upon kindly. So the owner, true to human nature, took out its frustrations passive aggressively on the mommy and daddy by neglecting them.  The owner was so neglectful, in fact, that eventually the mommy and daddy horse were like “fuck this shit” and packed up and left.  Leaving behind what had once been their source of happiness, but was now just a bitter reminder of the changing tides of human emotion and loyalty.  Their foal was now an orphan.  -that’s what they meant in the ad, right? ” orphaned by both parents due to neglect”.

As for his “kind eye” he actually has what is commonly known as a pig eye.  This is kind of cool because most people think that a pig eye means the horse’s eye is smaller, but in actuality it’s the eye socket that is smaller.  The size of the horse’s eyeball doesn’t change, just the skeletal structure surrounding it, dictating how much of the eye you see.  There aren’t that many articles available on pig eye, but it has been suggested that this conformational flaw may reduce the afflicted horse’s field of vision. It’s also rumored that pig eyed horses have a tendency to be stubborn and pig-headed (ha!) – although how a physical characteristic can be linked to, or even the cause of, a personality trait is crazy right?  That’s like saying people with blonde hair are ditzy!  See? INSANE!


cha cha chaaaa


About snarkyrider

We're snarktastic

Posted on March 6, 2012, in Bad Horse Ads, Conformation, horse and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 21 Comments.

  1. That aside? He’s a nice horse, he IS gelded, pig eye is not the worst fault out there and for those who feel ‘not worked with much’ is a bonus… As best as I can judge from those photos (not the best sales pics, but far from the worst), he looks pretty decently put together. I hope somebody in the area is looking for a project and takes him on. Heck, if I was in the area and looking for a project…I actually quite like the look of him.

    Sure, his owner can’t spell, but he’s in good condition. I’m not going to snark at this one – a horse in good condition being let go for a good reason. I just hope she doesn’t get duped by a kb. Maybe you could reveal the general area so anyone interested can track him down?

  2. He’s a cute little guy in decent weight in a nice big field. The fencing’s not the best but as long as the T posts have caps, it’s probably fine. The spelling mistakes are funny. I think some people just don’t pay much attention to writing for personal uses, though they are capable of spelling correctly or using a dictionary in a business or professional setting.

    I don’t mind a young(er) horse that hasn’t been messed with much if I’m in the market for a project. I’d rather than than a 3 year old that’s already being jumped.

    Hope he finds a good home.

  3. Damn, today you sure got your Snark on, bitches! Although I have to admit I was lmao before you even started, because the “gilding” was enough to bring tears to my eyes. And I still can’t stop laughing. You really brought the snark on to a new level. word.

    Giggles aside, he does look real cute so I hope he gets an upgrade.

  4. I love this blog and no offense meant, but the sentence above should read “the seller has led,” not “the seller has lead.” Since we are on a tirade about grammatical errors and such, I felt the need to point this out. 🙂

  5. Sigh… why does a disproportionate amount of stupid in the horse community come from eastern WA? I lived there most of my life and still consider the Tri-Cities my “home town” but holy jeebus am I glad to be out of the realm of crazy that the horse people out there seem to cook up.

    Having said that, kind of a cute little horse, hopefully he goes to someone with more than half a brain who gives him a great future. Ideally outside the Tri-Cities area.

    • LoL Elizabeth! I have to laugh at your Tri-cities comments. I live here and just bought a horse in January. Needless to say I scrolled through COUNTLESS ads on Craigslist and there IS a lot of crazy horse people here. ; ) There is a lot of crap for sale here and even if the horse is a good one, NO ONE knows how to market their animal. Good photos are no where to be had! Some horses are even pictured in their winter blankets, which always makes me wonder what they are hiding. My trainer and I bitched endlessly about the awful ads and photos.
      This black guy is guy is cute but I love the snark, Snarky!

  6. Ahahaha…”with a basket betwixt it’s beak”….ahahahaha! Somebody is in good form today. Thank you!

  7. Ummm when you said “hyperbolic”, did you mean hypothetical??
    ….people living in glass houses…..

  8. Honestly, this is one of the better written CL ads I have seen! Some people just can’t spell. I have a friend that has a PhD and couldn’t spell her way out of a wet paper bag. I also have a friend that was diagnosed with cancer and ended up rehoming many of her horses as she could no longer work them all. Many of them she gave away to approved homes. This ad does not strike me as the typical asshat type that has bred too many fugly horses. She didn’t breed this horse herself. She doesn’t give a price, but no where does it say that potential homes and owners won’t be vetted. Not sure why this ad is snark worthy. The horse is cute and hopefully he finds a good home.

  9. Wow — really stretching here to get to snark-worthy. The horse seems in good shape and is actually not standing in a foot of mud with three other skinny fuglies in the background. I call this one “not too bad, considering”. As for the assertion that this person is an “asshat” because he or she didn’t “set a price out of KB range”, not everyone knows to do that. Being naive about the other asshats in the world doesn’t make you one yourself. Making fun of someone’s lack of education without knowing their circumstances does, IMHO. Honestly, this blog just jumped the shark. Uhhh, make that snark.

  10. Sort of Anonymous

    Now, now, Snarky, you forgot the essential premise of spelling by sounding it out… maybe s/he DID! That might just be how they describe their castrated white footed horses.

    Castreted why-futed hosses, I mean…

  11. Maybe the pig eye is simply the end result of the constant monitoring of his stalkers or…. You know what? Nevermind :-/

  12. No snark from me today either. Nice looking horse, well fed, pasture is clean as a whistle. Owner willingly admits she can’t work with him anymore and is trying to find him a good home. No complaints from me. Okay, she has a little trouble with spelling, but there are way worse things than that. Personally, I would rather buy a “diamond in the rough” than say, one who has been “trained” by a BNT and ruined. I would also rather my horse with her than with a few of the others pictured on this site recently. Most of my family, myself included, are dyslexic. I am used to seeing worse spelling and reading worse writing than that. It doesn’t have anything to do with us being “uneducated”, we just see and writing things differently – unless we are very careful (and use spell check alot). Not every horse owner is up to speed on correct equine terminolgy. I can’t count the number of times someone has told me that their Paint horse is “homogeegus” or “homogenized”. Or, the people who call their pinto minis Paints. I can overlook a badly written ad, IF the horse is well cared for.

  13. Look who’s talking about not using a dictionary — ‘betwixt’ means ‘between’, not ‘in’. In order for your stork to have a basket betwixt his beak, he’d have to be a rare Two Beaked Figment Stork. I love me some alliteration too, but when you torture a poor innocent word just to get your alliteration while on a rant about spelling and grammar, you become the asshat.

    I see a gelded horse, in good weight, and in a nice-looking field. That horse hasn’t been backed at an absurdly young age, nor jumped, nor overworked. He’s not being described as a bombproof kids horse, or a ‘prospect’. He’s got ground work, and overall a pretty cute build. Atrocious spelling or not, the seller is doing it right and doesn’t deserve the snark.

    • I know it means between, and that is the word I meant to use. If I had pluralized “beak” then the bird would have needed two for the basket to be held between.

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