“Revolutionary New Aid!”
Indeed! Now, instead of training yourself and your horse, you can just buy this simple gizmo and be done with that pesky learning! No more need to understand why your horse throws his nose in the air and inverts his back. Who cares? All you need to know is how much to saw at his mouth until the magical wheel atop his head shows all white! Hooray!
What am I talking about? you may ask. Why, the new “On the Vertical Training Aid”! Sure, they call it an aid, but it’s so much more! Who needs an instructor when you’ve got this baby!
(Images from the website selling this fabulous new device, Chick’s Discount Saddlery)
“This innovative device enables you to constantly monitor and maintain the desired head position.” – this is where intelligent and correct training goes to die. Shit like this helps create stupid, lazy riders who can’t be bothered to learn to ride properly and understand the all important, existentially based concept of “why”. Why the horse does what he does. Why your horse should be on the vertical and what his going that way indicates. How you should achieve it. (I’m pretty sure I’m talking out of my ass in this paragraph. Did anyone understand what I was babbling about? I really just wanted to get “existential” in there somehow. Need to regroup.)
“Eliminates the need for mirrored walls.” = Eliminates the need for feel…
“Monitor & maintain head position from the saddle.” Umm, I do that now. Without this Vertical wingnut thing. By using my legs, seat and hands; properly. By using the “feel” that I’ve learned over 17 years of riding. Frak! I could have saved a lot of time (and money) if I had just had this thingamabob from the beginning!
GOOD GAWD HOW LAZY CAN YOU GET?!! Yes you want your horse to go on the vertical – but because he’s moving properly and that is the natural head carriage that results from good riding. Not because you’ve sawed at your horse’s mouth so much that he’s dropped his head until you cease and desist – at the same time he’s also dropped his impulsion and energy generated from his once powerful hindquarters, but you don’t care because you have the “correct” headset!
Excuse me, I have to go crawl into a hole before I commence murdering people.