Hawt Damn I love truth in advertising!
Because then you are introduced to the wonders of the Bipolar Horse! hehehehe
“Slightly bipolar horse for sale. Beautiful (right out of a fairy tale) white, with one blue eye and one brown. Half Arabian/Half Quarter with papers. Freaks out over EVERYTHING. Birds, squirrels, leaves, bags (paper or plastic), cars, dogs, cats, grass, trees, tires, etc. Personality can shift from loving to murderous in about 1/10 of a second. Has biten (x1), has kicked (x1). Only selling to VERY competent rider/trainer. Ridable by people who enjoy roller costers – not preferrable for people who enjoy life. Must sign disclosure saying you are not suicidal prior to purchase. Selling because husband hates everything about this horse. Easy keeper.”
I love that they specify that the horse is afraid of both paper AND plastic bags! Guess now there’s no way to take this horse to the grocery store! Before the cute young bag boy can ask “paper or plastic?” you and the horse you rode in on will be nothing but a puff of smoke!
While I can easily believe a horse is afraid of “cars, dogs, cats” and whatever myriad of other things you want to list, but I have a little bit of trouble with grass. Is it the way it blows threateningly in the wind? Perhaps the way it can change direction without a moments notice. Oh, perhaps it’s the case of a jilted lover. Perhaps the horse and grass were making googoo eyes at each other, the grass was swaying seductively, luring the horse in by whispering sweet nothings in its ears. When all of a sudden along game a gust of wind and the grass reached longingly towards it, thus shattering the poor horse’s heart into a million pieces. That’s the only plausible scenario I can come up with…
“Rideable by people who enjoy roller coasters – not preferable for people who enjoy life.” I LOVE this sentence. It’s funny, whimsical and just a tad dangerous – everything a good sentence should be. Although, I’m not convinced that a roller coaster is the correct metaphor in this instance. You see, on a roller coaster you’re strapped in and death is unlikely; not impossible, but unlikely. Perhaps they wanted something more along the lines of sky diving (both are airborne) or a drunken fake bull ride at the local watering hole (both cause whiplash!) – ya ok, when I started that sentence I thought I was on to something, then realized that I had no better metaphors. Roller coaster it is. As for the second part of the sentence – maybe someone should have handed them a coke (“Enjoy Life” – slogan since 1923).
All kidding aside – I wonder how much of the horse’s personality disorder is inherent and how much was a direct result of her current owners? The age old nature vs. nurture debate. Since I can’t imagine any experienced horse people actually advertising their horse as “bipolar” I’m leaning towards these people not having the requisite experience to handle anything but a 100% pure angel – so, um, not a horse 😛 What do you think?