Hawt Damn I love truth in advertising!

Because then you are introduced to the wonders of the Bipolar Horse!  hehehehe

“Slightly bipolar horse for sale. Beautiful (right out of a fairy tale) white, with one blue eye and one brown. Half Arabian/Half Quarter with papers. Freaks out over EVERYTHING. Birds, squirrels, leaves, bags (paper or plastic), cars, dogs, cats, grass, trees, tires, etc. Personality can shift from loving to murderous in about 1/10 of a second. Has biten (x1), has kicked (x1). Only selling to VERY competent rider/trainer. Ridable by people who enjoy roller costers – not preferrable for people who enjoy life. Must sign disclosure saying you are not suicidal prior to purchase. Selling because husband hates everything about this horse. Easy keeper.”

I love that they specify that the horse is afraid of both paper AND plastic bags!  Guess now there’s no way to take this horse to the grocery store!  Before the cute young bag boy can ask “paper or plastic?” you and the horse you rode in on will be nothing but a puff of smoke!

While I can easily believe a horse is afraid of “cars, dogs, cats” and whatever myriad of other things you want to list, but I have a little bit of trouble with grass.  Is it the way it blows threateningly in the wind?  Perhaps the way it can change direction without a moments notice.  Oh, perhaps it’s the case of a jilted lover.  Perhaps the horse and grass were making googoo eyes at each other, the grass was swaying seductively, luring the horse in by whispering sweet nothings in its ears.  When all of a sudden along game a gust of wind and the grass reached longingly towards it, thus shattering the poor horse’s heart into a million pieces.  That’s the only plausible scenario I can come up with…

“Rideable by people who enjoy roller coasters – not preferable for people who enjoy life.”  I LOVE this sentence.  It’s funny, whimsical and just a tad dangerous – everything a good sentence should be.  Although, I’m not convinced that a roller coaster is the correct metaphor in this instance.  You see, on a roller coaster you’re strapped in and death is unlikely; not impossible, but unlikely.  Perhaps they wanted something more along the lines of sky diving (both are airborne) or a drunken fake bull ride at the local watering hole (both cause whiplash!) – ya ok, when I started that sentence I thought I was on to something, then realized that I had no better metaphors.  Roller coaster it is. As for the second part of the sentence – maybe someone should have handed them a coke (“Enjoy Life” – slogan since 1923).

All kidding aside – I wonder how much of the horse’s personality disorder is inherent and how much was a direct result of her current owners?  The age old nature vs. nurture debate. Since I can’t imagine any experienced horse people actually advertising their horse as “bipolar” I’m leaning towards these people not having the requisite experience to handle anything but a 100% pure angel – so, um, not a horse 😛  What do you think?


Speaking of truth in advertising, do you all remember the Pain in the Ass Mini Donkey ad?  I posted it here a while ago because it’s pure awesomesauce.  Well, they’ve since updated it with a picture!!!


About snarkyrider

We're snarktastic

Posted on April 10, 2012, in Bad Horse Ads and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 17 Comments.

  1. *sniggers*
    The ad is too funny.

  2. At least they’re honest about it!
    but very funny

  3. Perhaps the bloodlines tell the tale? Anything that is half Arabian and half Quarter, is missing a quarter by my calculations. Good thing she’s producing foals to carry that temperament on.

    Hopefully someone with experience and good health insurance will give her a new lease on life.

  4. I ‘used’ to have a horse like that – and have the scars to prove it. I still have that little horse, love him to death, and doesn’t do any of those things any more. He’s grown up to be a solid citizen, doesn’t spook at all those things listed any longer. Maybe that horse needs glasses?

  5. …I want the pain in the ass! It’s cute!

    Reading the description of the Quarab worries me a little. Although I’ve seen a horse go from almost that bad to a solid citizen with time, patience and completely unflappable riders (I’m actually good at dealing with them because I never lose my cool with a horse), the description reminds me of one that seems to be unfixable. Between the random aggression and the extreme spookiness, I’m thinking the horse might have an anxiety disorder, which is a real pain to deal with. I’d actually take her – I deal very well with horses like that – if I could.

  6. The “paper or plastic” comment made me snort water out of my nose…

  7. Honestly, my mare will spook at random clumps of nonconformist grass. Really. If the grass happens to MOVE, rustle, or dares to be a different color or height, it is suspicious. Sometimes I think she LOOKS for stuff to spook at out of boredom or mischief. Of course I am typing this with my left arm in a sling because caution tape is scary. Spooky mare + sidesaddle + caution tape = ER visit. At least I sat the first two spooks and spins, third time I got a charley horse in my right leg and couldn’t grip the upright head to stay on.

  8. I had an Arab that was described much the way this mare is. Turned into a pretty fun horse once she figured us out (that we were not stupid owners and wouldn’t let her get away with whatever she pleased) and once we figured her out (that she wasn’t bi-polar, just mis-understood).

    I don’t think thats a foal in the pic though, probably a pony or mini.

  9. Hey, I knew a gelding who would spook at his own shadow. Leaves blowing in the wind? a chair that has been in the same place for the last 30 minutes? He would just look at any random object and be ZOMG I’m going to diiiiiiiiiiiiiiie! He once spook because he saw me riding at a walk in the opposite direction. Er, I think. All I know is I looked at him and saw him anticipating the spook, I even moved farther away, but he still took off like he was being chased by a mountain lion. So I wouldn’t say spooking at grass is entirely impossible.

  10. I was having a crappy day. Reading this post and ad made it better, hehe! Also the comment about non-conformist grass! XD

    That donkey is adorable.

  11. I wonder if she’s spooking because she figured out that if she throws enough of a fit her rider will get off and she’s free to do nothing. My former trainer bought a horse like this. Once he figured out that being a numbskull equalled more work not less the barn cats and apple tree suddenly became much less scary.

  12. Well it sounds to me that this little gem has her current owners well trained and is ready for a new challenge. Good luck to her, she will need just the right sort of gullible yet loving family to allow her to hone her “Bi-polar” training techniques on.

  13. Part of me wants to say its the current owner that caused this, but maybe she got duped when she bought him. That might explain the “truth in advertising”, her over the top descriptions, and self-deprecating humor. The only people I know who actually admit their horse does this are the people that know better than to allow biting/kicking. The ones that train their horse to be this way (imo) see no issues with selling the horse as “beginner safe”.

    That’s my experience with horse people. Idiots who create bipolar horses are too dumb to realize the long term danger they created, and instead do anything they can to pawn the horse off an the next noob. This lady appears to be fully aware of the danger, and would rather he not sell then go to a home that can’t handle him.

  14. I reckon this might be another case of having to advertise the horse due to marital opinions, but not reaallllly wanting to, so, you just make the horse sound awful whilst telling partner that he’s just not selling…perfect plan!

  15. Usually, as long as your don’t overfeed Arabs, don’t under excersise them, and do make sure that you give them a job to do, they are quite willing to please. They don’t take to “man handling” and “cowboying” very well. However, along came my current horse who comes unglued at the drop of a hat – litteraly. Grass would definatly scare him, as does his shadow, things out of place, etc. If he spots anything out of the ordinary, he reacts as if it’s a life or death situation. He’s best decribed as timid. Timid horses don’t make good competition horses as they easily allow their senses to overwhelm them. If you can hold them together, they have moments of brilliance, but it’s hard to keep their focus. Now that he’s broke, I really enjoy riding him. He’s fun, but I have to be on my toes and be one step ahead of him. He’s now six and has had a wonderful show career – but we have had to earn every point. Even though he has a world title, I’d hate to see the ad I would have to write for him.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: