Studly von Ugliness
Top ten things wrong with this ad:
“Blazer is a quarter horse stud.. he is a well behaved horse for being a stud. we have to get rid of him because my daughter got a gelding pony and the stud will not get along with him. if you have a female horse that you want bred he would be a beutiful one to breed to. He is about 4 years old. he does not like trailers very well but will load and he will stand good to get brushed and petted. anyone interested please call”
10. His name is Blazer. Is he a member of the Purple Cobras? NO! Get a new name!
(I know, this really has nothing to do with the horse but I feel quite strongly about Dodgeball – the movie, not the game).
9. “he is a well behaved horse for being a stud” – are you frakking kidding me? I know you need to take more precaustions around stallions but, and feel free to call me crazy, I don’t think they should have special stallion rules. As in, “oh it’s ok that he tries to bite you, he’s a stallion” -or shit like that. Manners are manners! Gelding, stallion, or big yellow school bus. <-topically unrelated but the bus knows what it did, oh, it knows.
8. They’re getting “rid” of him because they bought their daughter a gelding. WHAT DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?! They’d hold hooves and skip? WHY did you not plan for the very likely eventuality that the stallion wouldn’t like another horse? Or, at this point should we just be thanking Grilled Cheesus that you didn’t buy a mare and throw her in with the stud?
7. “he would be a beutiful one to breed to” – first of all: NO. Second of all: Hells no! Good gawd that horse is fugly and doesn’t deserve to keep his manberries.
7.5. What does breeding him have to do with selling him? Which is it? Make up your minds!
6. Why don’t you know how old your horse is? In what scenario would a responsible horse owner not know the age of their horse? -ok, aside from getting one from a rescue. But then that begs the question what kind of rescue adopts out an intact stallion? Which opens up a whole other can of worms.
5. How is “he doesn’t like to trailer” a selling point? Before telling me that the horse doesn’t have a basic, marketable, skill, why don’t you toss out your guess of how tall he is? I’d bet good (and bad) money that they haven’t bothered to stick this horse.
4. OH THANK GAWD HE STANDS TO BE BRUSHED! I was at a show just the other weekend and my horse wouldn’t stand still for our Stand Still And Be Brushed class – and let me tell you, I was mortified. Mortified!
3. Does it look to anyone else like his neck is too short to reach the grass without him bending his knees like a foal would?
2. Now, that first picture isn’t the best conformation shot I’ve ever seen but his hind legs look nice and straight and posty – good qualities, right? No? They’re not? But then why do they seem to be winning in the halter world? We could go fishing with all these cans of worms I’m opening 😉
And now, the number one wrong-oooo of this ad?
1. Everything. Absolutely everything.