Advertisements

Blog Archives

Mayor of the Quarter Horses!

When was the election? Why was I not notified?  I don’t typically vote but I feel I should have at least been given the option!  This is clearly an important topic that affects us all.  Did she run unopposed?  Were other breeds included? WHAT IS GOING ON?!

“very gentle quarter horse mayor with western style saddle for sale. very gentle anyone can ride her safe for all ages. or i will trade for a 16 f00t alum boat and trailer with motor she is about 13/14 hands high not real sure hoe to measure her

Dude, I gots ta tells ya, I got me no idear hoe to masure her neither.

All kidding (and hog tying) aside, the best I can guess is that Mayor is the horse’s name; but really, who’s to say?

If these people can’t figure out how to determine the horse’s height, what are the odds they possess the necessary brain cells to guesstimate age?  Perhaps that’s why none was listed in the ad?  You know, now that I think about it, honestly, how confident are we in their assessment of gender?  I’m just sayin’…

But hey, at least they’re safety conscious.  Just look at that barbed wire fence and nylon halter!  Awww dang.  That’s my bad.  That’s what you don’t want to see.  Sometimes I get confused.

——————–

Dear people selling horses that have barbed wire fencing:

If you think you can’t afford the horse now, imagine what will happen WHEN the horse hurts itself on this stupid-ass fencing!

Sincerely,

Every horse lover on the planet.

——————-

Dear self:

Try not to have an aneurysm.  Thanks.

Love,

Self

——————

Eeep, I hope no one takes offense to the above political comments!  I’ve been told to keep my political comments to myself (which I refuse to do, if I want to vote for the Muppets I damned well will!).  While I’m the first person to admit (spoiler alert!) this blog operates in the realm of the horseworld, I was unaware that precluded me from making other snarky comments.  Gosh, shoulda read the rulebook before signing up.  All kidding aside, this is an issue that affects us all.  When is the next election and how/where does my horse start campaigning?  He has a great carrot reform that he wants to put to a vote.  Show of hooves, who’s with him?

[Cue live TV audience to apple sauce]

Advertisements

Weiner horse v2

You know those tables where you can insert a “leaf” when company’s over and all of a sudden your 4 person dinner table seats 8?  Oh, ok good. You do know.  Nope, didn’t bring it up for a reason.  Thought just popped into my head, that’s all.

Hi, and thanks for stopping by.  I’m just a little horse who wants to be looooooooooved.  I somehow managed to win my current owners a championship and yet they still want to be rid of meeeeeeeee.  I’m not sure why.  Sure, it could have something to do with the fact that my front end and hind end are in different time zones, but no one’s that superficial, right?  Looks aren’t impooooorrrrrrrrtant.  (But conformation is, or at least should be.)

Now, when you come to pick me up, please be sure to bring a full size trailer – none of that ‘oh it’s just a mini, it’ll fit in my van!’ stuff, because I won’t.  As you can see from my photo, I’m incredibly loooooooong.

All kidding aside, this little girl is for sale!

“2003 smutty buckskin mare.  33”. AMHA/AMHR. Gorgeous mover- amazing driving potential. Multi Champion halter mare. Easy to handle, loves to show.Daughter of world famous BTU- one of the top stallions in the industry! “

I was going to keep it going with the horse-talking-bit but then I saw that she is described as a “smutty buckskin”.  Really?  “Smutty”?  There weren’t a hundred other words you could have used?  You had to accuse her of being unwholesome?  How dare you impugn her character in such a manner.  You have practically accused her of being a harlot!  A Jezebel even! It’s downright hurtful.  At least provide proof! Until we see her in scantily clad halter we flat out refuse to believe it!

————-

Alright, just to be clear, the owners have every right to sell her or any other horse.  And while I have made a snide comment about that, I don’t reeeeaaaaallllly mean it.  In case it’s not clear yet, this horrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrse is long.  That’s it.  That’s the point of this post.  Thanks for coming!  See y’all tomorrow!

Juuuuuuuuuust kidding.  While she isn’t specifically being marketed as a broodmare, how many championship winning mares do you know that go on to be happy little lawn ornaments? NOT MANY! The likelihood of some jackass trying to squeeze a baby outta this mare is pretty damned good.

At least this little mini looks better than the last Daschund x miniature horse-thing!

ps.  her eyes freak me out!

See comments in red – like the color I’m currently seeing.

“***MUST GO ASAP***

She is broke to ride for an experienced rider [I would love to know what makes this senior horse suitable only for experienced riders], but due to her age I’d really rather her just go to a home as a companion. She gets along decently with other horses and she usually really enjoys human company [Usually?  She “usually really enjoys human company”? So all of a sudden, one day she’s not going to be in the mood for human company, and then what? *pow* right in the kisser?] (brushing, petting, etc.) Never ever has threatend [Naw, when this mare goes on the defensive, there’s no threatening, just all of a sudden you’re missing your teeth, or an arm] to kick, bite or rear at a human. I believe she would be good around children because of this, [I could be mistaken here, but I feel there should be a few more prerequisites for being a good children’s horse other than not threatening to bite/kick/rear] children could brush her and probably [“probably”?  REALLY?!] even be lead around on her. And NO she cannot have foals anymore so don’t even bother asking or thinking about it [Aww sweetie, no one was thinking that until you said it.  The mare is 25.  It concerns me to think that you’re probably selling her because she can’t be bred anymore which means you most likely bred her up until she was what, 23? 24?]. She’s a good old girl that’s sound and sane. Good with the farrier, good with leading at (usually good with catching – depends on the day, and a pail of oats will always lure her anyway. I’m only getting rid of her because I would like to reduce the herd. [And you don’t feel that she’s earned a retirement home with you?  Who is it exactly that you think would like to purchase a mare like this?  Again, it could just be me and my insanely high standards, but if I were to purchase a horse for children, I would most likely buy something a little younger, and oh I don’t know, a little more stable and rideable?! 
Being that I want her to go to a good home, price may be negotiable (to the right home)
$400

SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY. Please email.”

Want to know what else your $400 could buy you? Let’s see shall we?  Keep in mind these are all in the same area as the ad above.

K-DONNA: older well broke Arab mare. good for inter rider as she know her stuff and can be quick. Are looking for a semi-retired place for her, will be perfect to pony kids around as we only want small weight rider and no pusher.

PIRATE: well broke thoroughbred mare (NOT HOT). 15 years old. Need inter or experience rider as she know her stuff to
FANTASY: broke to ride and drive standardbred mare (7 years old). Need a gentle person as we thing that trainer was a bit pushy with her and she is anxious, not hyper, no buck or bolt, but anxious. We will keep working with her until she found a place. She have some excellent potential for a other career.
SHADOW: beautiful 9 years old reg appendix. Started with the saddle and is doing fantastic. not nervous and not hyper at all. a pocket horse that is always around. Excellent potential for future career

Half Stallion/Gelding

I have a 2 year old paint pony/horse. He is around 13 hand and probably wont get no taller than 14 hands. I got him from an auction a year ago. He is free to an approved home. and the reason why he is free is because he has a club foot and just recently his one testicle dropped down. so he is half stallion/gelding.Also i have a mare and i dont need an oops foal. I dont have the money for his surgery for his club foot. but i have my ferrier just keep his heel trimmed down and he is fine, he gets around fine and i sound other than that. He ties,bathes and is ok for ferrier and vet. He is not broke to ride but he quiet enough that i give my 2 year old neice pony rides on him bareback. He a companion horse only unless you can afford to have his surgery done then he would be rideable. He must go, please have that heart for this sweet young man please call ### ### #### please help i dont wanna take him back where i got him.

You bought him a year ago?  So you freely admit you know the horse is male?  And yet, all of a sudden you can’t afford to geld him and have to give him away because you don’t want “an oops foal”.  Are you sure he can even procreate?  According to the ad he’s only half a stallion!

Psst.  Just as a side note, for your own edification, one dropped testicle does not a half stallion make.  Until you remove the balls completely (and please, this horse should NOT be kept a stallion!) he is a stallion and not a gelding.  Just because you can’t see one doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist!

As for the club foot, you’ve kind of shot yourself in your own foot, credibility-wise, after that half stallion comment.  If I were to look at this horse, I would have my own vet take a look-see to determine if surgery really is required.  For more information on clubbed hooves, there’s a decent article on The Horse (there usually is).  The article states that “Early detection of a club foot also is key to the successful treatment of the problem; the earlier it’s detected, the earlier aggressive treatment can begin and the better the odds are that the horse will go on to a successful athletic career.”  Just one of the many reasons people who aren’t prepared to commit financially (as well as the myriad of other ways in which horses take over our lives) should just keep walking.  Ok ok, I may be letting my slightly jaded nature take over here.  Let’s give the owner the benefit of the doubt and assume they’ve had the vet out repeatedly since purchasing this guy and surgery really is the only way to go.  Could happen, right?

Now, um, let me get this straight; your entreating random, anonymous internet people to have a heart when you clearly can’t be bothered?

I’m sorry, I want to believe that their heart is in the right place.  They did pick this guy up from an auction.  But why, oh why, did you pick up an ungelded, club footed colt when you know you don’t have the funds to properly care for him?!  IT WAS AN AUCTION! I’m sure there were plenty of others to choose from!! No wait, don’t tell me, it was because he’s a perdy color.  Am I right?  Come on, tell me I’m right. (This is one of those times where tone and vocal inflection are probably required so I would ask that you imagine me sarcastically saying this in a light, comically gushing tone.  Think: playing with a dog and you say “who’s a good boy? Are you a good boy? You’re such a good boy” -come on, we’ve all heard that one before! )

I would like to know what planet this person lives on.  I want to go live there.  It must be a lot more pleasant than this one!  Because on planet Earth, more than likely, the only people who are going to pick up a free horse that requires surgery to be rideable are kill buyers.  Good job, you delayed the inevitable for a year while how many other, more suitable to you, horses went to kill buyers at that auction?

THAT’S IT!!!!  Tomorrow I’m posting a happy story!!!!!

When studs bread; oh the horror

“Our horse is apx. 5 years old, he is fully broke and was originally used as a roping horse. We paid $1000 for him, and don’t really want to get rid of him; however he has bread our paint and has recently taken to abusing our new little philly. We are motivated sellers as we have no where to put him to keep them sperated. I am afraid he is going to seriously hurt the little one or worse… Breed with her. please give us a call at ######### . Prior to having the philly he was the sweetest most loving horse. We think he is jellous of the little one. Please make an offer. I can take more pic.s of him and send them to you via cell ph. if you’d like. “

You people are stu… reta… cra… fuc… insa… holy crap we just can’t decide what the best way to describe you is.

First off, you didn’t think that putting a stud in with a mare would produce a foal? At least, we’re assuming that’s what it produced.  It could very well be that this pairing produced a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  Who knows?  Breading is a mysterious science.

HOW DARE HE ABUSE PHILADELPHIA?! Hasn’t that state endured enough already?  WHY?!!?!  Dear god, why?? Pick on another state already!  Philly’s had enough!

Why can you not separate them?  Can’t be bothered to string another line of barbed wire?  We feel ya.  It’s a lot of effort, especially when you could be sitting on your porch, sipping from a jug of moonshine while picking your nose.  Seriously, how could anyone expect you to put that on hold?  That’s important shit.   That is how global issues are solved.

Here’s an offer: How about you geld the fucker, he’s not worth anything as a stud, and save yourself a mound of vet bills.  (we offer wisdom, duh)

Comments may be disabled on Youtube…

… but they sure ain’t here!

We’re back to craigslist for this one.  The pictures there made us cringe, but the Youtube video took things to a whole new level.  This is one tolerant little mare!

The video’s a little long, so we’ll point you to the really good spots.  4:36 is where they load her in the bed of a pickup truck and then drive a short ways.  At 5:21 they lead her up the front steps and into the house (we kept expecting to see her crash through the wooden patio!), and then at 7:39 the child endangerment starts.  What CL horse ad would be complete without it?

We’re having a hard time deciding which part was our (least) favorite – the one child almost hauling the horse over in it’s attempt to get on; the 3 kids riding at once, with the heaviest on her kidneys; or the two little toddlers siting helmetless in the saddle while the oldest clings like a monkey to her neck.  Usually standing up in the saddle to take a flying leap would be a highlight, but in this case it doesn’t make our top three!

How is the fact that they managed to drag that poor horse onto the bed of a truck a selling point?  First of all, who would even consider that to be a viable mode of transportation? No access to a trailer? Well, we’ll just throw her in the back of a pickup… yeah, that’ll happen.  Most people, at least most with firing synapses, wouldn’t want to risk damaging their $50,000+ truck by putting a horse on it.  Not sure insurance would cover that one…  Of course, we’re not even mentioning the obviously insane risk to the poor animal. These people clearly couldn’t care less about the mare’s safety or discomfort – further proven as they drag her into the house (another stellar selling point though, we’re sure).

We know most of us did some dumb things with our horses when we were younger.  But our parents would’ve given us hell if they’d found out, not turned on the video camera and encouraged the madness!

We’d ask what they were thinking in using this as a sales video, but since it’s been pretty effective at making us want to get her out of their hands, maybe they’re really marketing geniuses.  It could happen…

Dear Gawd Why?!

The sad thing is, for a craigslist ad this one’s pretty good!  Even priced about right!

“We have a 10 year old registered sorrel broode mare for sale or trade. Her registered name is POCO KING BAR DUNDEE. Her Sire(Father) is POCO PRONTO BAR. Her Dam(mother) is SKIPS RAVEN KEO.
She has been ridden in the past but we have raised two colts from her. She shoes, baths, and loads. She is a gentle horse and a very good mother.

we are asking $350 ob”

Top reasons to breed this mare:

  • She’s got a real purdy kolur
  • She’s got four usable legs
  • She ain’t doing anything else!
  • They’ve got an above ground pool
  • She looks like she might be the only horse on the property so clearly needs a friend (that one’s actually true, but we prefer an older, less vet-prone, friend than a baby)
  • She’s got a reeeeeeeal long back so there must be a lot of room in there for a baby right?
  • You can breed her to a good stallion and get a better conformed baby! Right? That’s how it works?
  • She’s registered

And the number one reason to breed this mare?

  • She’s got a uterus!

Ok, your turn!  Why would you breed this “lovely” mare?

Please answer using one of the following formats:

I’m an asshat and would breed this mare because…

or

I’m a backyard breeder who doesn’t have all my own teeth and would breed this mare because…

Competing at two? Are you out of your mind?!

“i have a two year old filly broke . i broke her in august and rode her in the youth rodeo oct 1 she did barrels her time was 27 ( it was her first time and she never seen the pattern) i ran her on poles she ran a 34 . and i team rope with her first we did head she didnt do to hot at that but it was the first time shed been roped off then we did heeling and she did amazing at that. that was the last rodeo she been to and i have beeen working her on everything getting her ready for this year . i really want to keep her but im going off to collage and dont have much time for her i would want her to go to a good home and do what she loves . she has alot of potentional i rode her the christmas parade she did great didnt mind the nose but couldn stand being in the bak of the parade she wanted to be in the front 🙂 she will walk through water and over tarps . a very nice horse”

Dear craigslist denizen:

You’re an incredible asshat.  How dare you start and compete a two year old.  What the hell were you thinking? Was it something along the lines of “hey, she didn’t buck me off, let’s push and push and push until she breaks” – because if so, we have a few choice words (and fists) for you.

“she didn’t do to hot at” team roping?  You don’t say.  Huh, why wouldn’t a two year old do well in competitive events?  Could it be that she wasn’t freaking ready?  If your comprehension of the English language is any indication of your understanding of young horses and the training thereof then we can’t even begin to fathom why this wasn’t a raging success.  –that’s not to say that spelling and grammar really have any bearing on one’s ability to break and train horses, but if you can’t understand the language that you assumedly speak fluently, how can you expect to understand the language the horses are speaking.  Here’s a hint: that deer-caught-in-the-headlights expression on your filly’s face means she’s nowhere near ready for all the crap you’ve already managed to put her through in what we can only hope was a matter of weeks and not, in fact, longer.

It really is people like you that make us rethink anything mean we’ve ever said to or about people who have unridden eleven year olds sitting in their fields.

You are worse than a useless tit.  Because of you it is very likely this horse will develop joint and back issues as she ages.  It is physically impossible for her to have the necessary muscling, or to have received the proper conditioning, that would have physically enabled her to compete in the events you mentioned.

Very sincerely,
JG & DE

There was no photo included in this craigslist ad, but we’re kind of thankful for that – we really don’t need to see another knock-kneed baby being forced into work that her body (not to mention mind) just isn’t ready for.

One last thought; how the fuck did this person get into college? SERIOUSLY! There are hundreds, dare we say thousands, of people who want to go to college but can’t afford it – and you let asshats like this one in?  Wasn’t a documentary recently done about the declining education system? Clearly we didn’t watch it so if we’re way off please excuse us, but it seems to us that letting someone like this craigslister into college might be a contributing factor.  Not that this person should be denied an education, indeed they should be sent back to first grade.  Make an effort, show that you can discern the difference between to, too and two and then go to college.  Until that happens, give the spot to someone who won’t major in Asshattery 101.  Ugh, just goes to show that college is no longer about education, it’s 100% financially motivated.  We feel like we should have seen that coming…

Reduced for Christmas!

Thank you to Kijiji, Canada’s very own Craigslist (not that they don’t have Craigslist, but apparently they felt they needed something wholly Canadian), and the concerned reader that sent us the following ad for us to snark on!

Do you know why stores reduce their prices before Christmas?  It’s because they know they’re going to be selling more than normal, have purchased more stock to accommodate the increased numbers and have received a proportionately increased discount on said stock.  So really, are the stores losing any money? NO!  But the owner of the following horse clearly does not understand this basic economic concept and is offering her beeutyfull mare at half off the regular sale price for Christmas!

 

*Disclaimer: If you have an aversion to poor grammar and atrocious spelling (like we do when we’re properly rested and not in a huge hurry! -so basically when it’s convenient for us) then you may want to skip the ad copied below.
Bailey is eligible for registration with the Canadian pinto registry, paper work is being processed.
Bailey had 30 days under saddle last fall, but hasn’t been ridden consistently since. I am getting out once or twice a week, weather permitting, she’s been great!  She is solid at the walk/trot, and backs up well. It’s been to icy to canter. Bailey has excellent breaks, a very soft mouth, and is responsive to leg cues. She is very quiet and takes everything very well.  Will be an excellent show pony.  Was shown in hand by 12yr, very successfully. Has been free jumped to 3’0, long floating strides. Would excel in dressage, hunters, or jumpers.  Bailey is easy to work with, and learns quickly. 100% sound, healthy and sane!
This little mare is a proven producer, throws color and temperament.
Has been confirmed in foal to ‘Youngs Country Brat’ for march/april 2012
She had a Buckskin colt in 2010, foal by bay arabian.
Both stallion and 2010 colt are available for veiwing.
Bailey is 14.1hh, foaled in may 2007
Would consider riding or breeding lease.
$3000 negotiable Bailey in foal – Reduced to $1500 for Christmas
$2250 Bailey, and I retain the foal – Reduced to $1250 for Christmas
Free breeding to your choice of AQHA cremello or Registered Welsh section B for 2013 foal, mare care not included.
I can also sell her tack with her. Black AP synthetic saddle, Bridle, Snaffle Bit, Girth, and Polo’s. $400

May trade/partial trade for tack, welsh or arabian mare/filly, TB

So, this person freely admits they don’t have time for this mare and yet they want to trade her for another questionably bred horse?  Why?  What exactly were they hoping to accomplish here?  If you’re not happy with the horse, which you clearly aren’t, why are you breeding it? Oh, and for those of you following along at home, yup the ad does say this horse is only 4 years old and has already had a baby.  No doubt passing along it’s thick throatlatch and short neck (can’t tell much about the legs from the photos) to the next generation.  People like you should be weeded from the gene pool.

And now for our mantra:

ohmmmm-just-because-it-has-a-uterus-doesn’t-mean-it-needs-a-baby-ohhmmm

%d bloggers like this: